Writers please rate my story is a chapter. I promise you'll love it. If you do please star it?

WHAT ARE YOUR VIEWS ON THIS HISTORY? What do you like about it What do you dislike about it. IF YOU WANT THE ENTIRE POST PLEASE READ YOUR EMAIL. Please tell me how I can improve my HISTORY.

You have a very interesting start to the story and the possibility of doing very well. I like the description of what he sees the main character, etc. Work areas: Try to avoid using pronouns as the subject repeated so often. This is difficult when writing a story in first person like you, but even so, it becomes annoying for the reader to repeat the words. Try rewording the sentence to avoid beginning with "I" or "she" always. Your prayers get choppy at times. By that I mean short followed by another 2 or 3 short. Use more worthwhile choice. Perhaps the first would be a shame more Long used in connection with words such as "therefore", "however", "like", etc., and then the next sentence would be shorter to make a quick point and emphasis. Make sure your first sentence hooks the reader wants to read the 2nd and so on during the first few paragraphs. Once you're hooked, it is much easier in general. When I write [that I constantly] usually spend more than half time of the first chapter only in the first paragraph. Last point, his speech is very natural. Detailing the talks, as they would say, and then write with a little less perfect grammar if necessary or whatever thought you want to use the speaker's accent or dialect. Overall, I congratulate you for beginning work excellent overall. I liked the story and look forward to seeing your progress. With only a little editing here and there, I see wonderful potential for this. GREAT JOB! PS do not see it as wrong for editing. I have written many works now and I always have to go back and edit / change / modify / re-word and sometimes even completely re - to make an entire section before it is perfect. It's all part of the process. You really are doing a great job!

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